My son has been struggling a lot lately and I took my focus off myself. He was having anxiety attacks and many MANY many times, it was getting the best of him and affecting his school life, home life, friendships, family, everything!! I was having to leave work early to go help him out. One day I asked the principal if they were hiring, I was at the school so often!! So I took some time off! From focusing on myself, from work, from ... everything!!
It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed to see a counselor. When he was in his worst moments, he was angry at me and blaming me for all of the changes we faced in 2012. Moving, switching schools, new friends, new church, less extended family time. It was too overwhelming for him and he needed someone to talk to instead of blame. We were able to talk rationally about it when he was feeling good and we were able to come up with ideas & solutions... but it would all disappear upon his feeling panic coming on. What's worse, is he would start talking extremely negatively, that he hated himself and he just wanted it all to end.
Over and over I would encourage him to change his thoughts. I would ask him to just start saying he was okay, instead of focusing on how miserable he felt. After about a dozen times saying, "I can't!" he would finally scream, "I AM HAPPY!! Okay? Are you happy now?" Baby steps. Deep breath. Baby steps.
For the past month & a half, I have been working with the amazing Champagne Diet's Cara, who has been encouraging me to make small little changes in my life that add up to a well and healthy lifestyle. It's not only about what I eat & how much I exercise, it's about taking control of your thoughts and energy you're putting out to the world. It's about caring what I look like when I leave the house; it's about slowing down and getting extra hugs in; it's about turning off technology on a regular basis. I wanted to become an "in-action" example to my children instead of just always telling them what to do or how to be.
But my son's actions were calling for an intervention and I'm still myself, a work in-progress. One particularly rough morning, I told him to think of it this way, "All of these events that have happened this past year, causing all these changes to your life, happens to EVERYONE! You can take the exact same event, happening to ten different people, and you will get ten different outcomes. Why? Because of ten different THOUGHTS! It's your thoughts that are causing your pain, not moving, not switching schools, not being able to see your old friends every day! Find ONE POSITIVE thing about each of these things causing you pain and build on THAT, not the EVENT itself. That can never be changed."
I left him to soak it all in and headed to work. I'm listening to a morning radio show and the guest they have on says, "We teach what we need to learn."
*A-HA MOMENT*
I think I even heard the *click* in my brain.
The past does not exist and neither does the future. I have right now. I'm back.
