Day 245 - I Remembered My Blog Password

Okay... it's really not my blog password I lost. It was my motivation!! Life throws curve balls out and by the time you decide how you're going to swing at it, you look up and realize that the stadium lights are all off and everyone has gone home. So I'm sorry if I've left you waiting around.

My son has been struggling a lot lately and I took my focus off myself. He was having anxiety attacks and many MANY many times, it was getting the best of him and affecting his school life, home life, friendships, family, everything!! I was having to leave work early to go help him out. One day I asked the principal if they were hiring, I was at the school so often!! So I took some time off! From focusing on myself, from work, from ... everything!!

It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed to see a counselor. When he was in his worst moments, he was angry at me and blaming me for all of the changes we faced in 2012. Moving, switching schools, new friends, new church, less extended family time. It was too overwhelming for him and he needed someone to talk to instead of blame. We were able to talk rationally about it when he was feeling good and we were able to come up with ideas & solutions... but it would all disappear upon his feeling panic coming on. What's worse, is he would start talking extremely negatively, that he hated himself and he just wanted it all to end.

Over and over I would encourage him to change his thoughts. I would ask him to just start saying he was okay, instead of focusing on how miserable he felt. After about a dozen times saying, "I can't!" he would finally scream, "I AM HAPPY!! Okay? Are you happy now?" Baby steps. Deep breath. Baby steps.

For the past month & a half, I have been working with the amazing Champagne Diet's Cara, who has been encouraging me to make small little changes in my life that add up to a well and healthy lifestyle. It's not only about what I eat & how much I exercise, it's about taking control of your thoughts and energy you're putting out to the world. It's about caring what I look like when I leave the house; it's about slowing down and getting extra hugs in; it's about turning off technology on a regular basis. I wanted to become an "in-action" example to my children instead of just always telling them what to do or how to be.

But my son's actions were calling for an intervention and I'm still myself, a work in-progress. One particularly rough morning, I told him to think of it this way, "All of these events that have happened this past year, causing all these changes to your life, happens to EVERYONE! You can take the exact same event, happening to ten different people, and you will get ten different outcomes. Why? Because of ten different THOUGHTS! It's your thoughts that are causing your pain, not moving, not switching schools, not being able to see your old friends every day! Find ONE POSITIVE thing about each of these things causing you pain and build on THAT, not the EVENT itself. That can never be changed."

I left him to soak it all in and headed to work. I'm listening to a morning radio show and the guest they have on says, "We teach what we need to learn."

*A-HA MOMENT*

I think I even heard the *click* in my brain.

The past does not exist and neither does the future. I have right now. I'm back.

Day 161 - Weigh-In Wednesday

Pounds I want to lose --- 100
Pounds down today --- 4
Total Pounds Lost --- 37
Pounds left to go --- 63

If you read my last post, you will see that I have taken a "break" from the super focus of weight loss to work on my mental and emotional health. Funny that I've plateaued for the last 2 weeks and when I focus on something else, I lose four pounds!!

I had a dear friend in town this last weekend for her grandmother's funeral. We got together Saturday night and after spending several hours catching up, she says, "You really don't have anything going good for you right now, do you?" I know that sounds harsh, but after hearing for myself every aspect of my life in one sitting, she was right. Uh... I'm alive! That's something, right?

On Sunday, I was doing my normal stuff... watching tv, doing laundry, grocery shopping. I was on Twitter and saw @ChampagneDiet's tweet about her book Sparkle! I downloaded it from Amazon and began reading it. I also ordered the paperback. THAT BOOK IS AWESOME!! I'm not even done but I knew it was time to start celebrating life!!

Although my dad doesn't make the healthiest of dinners, I happily accepted the offer to join my parents for dinner that night. I figured I would just eat what I thought I could and not sweat it. I was there long enough to play a game with my mom, help clean up afterward and I even ate dessert. It was a homemade apple cobbler that my brother made with apples from his own tree. It had very little sugar and was very yummy! I even made an effort to get along with my sister of whom I had distanced myself from.

To the bewilderment of my children, on Monday, I invited my parents over to our house for dinner. I've never done that before outside of a birthday party, it was really nice. We set the table with the "real" plates (the closest thing to china that I have) instead of the plastic ones and got out the champagne flutes. I had made pancakes with fresh fruit, bacon and eggs, so the flutes were filled with either orange juice or milk. I asked everyone to toast to something they were grateful for, which lead into an evening long discussion on gratitude. I got everyone little notebooks to keep daily expressions of gratitude in. My first entry was that I was grateful for my mom!

I picked up some champagne yesterday after work and once again had the flutes out for dinner. I also got sparkling juice for the girls and a fancy water bottle for my son. (He doesn't drink carbonation) It's great to hear what the kids come up with for their toasts!!

So yeah, the four pounds this week is just a bonus!!

(Thank you Cara! :) )

Day 149 - Cheat Day

Cheat Meal n. By setting aside one day a week to eat junk food or whatever you want you take control of your cravings and eat on your terms. This is often referred to as a “cheat meal” because you are deliberately cheating on your diet.

But when it becomes a Cheat DAY??? BAD!! BAD!! BAD!! I know!!!! 

My gym's Weight Loss Challenge begins on Monday. It will be for the next 8 weeks which will coincide with SEVEN (yes, 7!!) family members' birthdays, Halloween AND Thanksgiving!! I fully intend to KICK SOME BUTT!! I LOVE COMPETITION and I will stay strong through all of those celebrations!!

So... if there are a few things I need to get out of my system this weekend, I will... And not feel bad! 

My birthday is the weekend after the competition ends! <maniacal laugh! maniacal laugh!>