After spilling the beans to a counselor and they just look at you and say, "Okaaay... That's a lot of things, what do you want to start with FIRST?" Yeah. That kind of sucks.
When asked why I think I would stay in a relationship with someone for so long who treated me poorly, there is some soul searching that needed to go on. I'm reading Sparkle my new Bible, and the first exercise is to throw out the trash! Make a list of the ways I would I feel when I've eliminated a toxic person from my life. Obviously, my ex comes to mind. But then there's always that one nagging issue I have learned to ignore.
On Sunday, I went with my best friend to "Dead Man's Curve" to do some thinking and some chucking. I had made a list of everything I hated about my ex that really just needed to go. I did not want to hang onto that hate and anger. I read the list out loud, poked it through a stick, then chucked it off the cliff. TRASH THROWN OUT. It felt really good to let him go!!
We sat up there drinking coffee and enjoying the peacefulness. It became clear what else I needed to do. That one nagging issue I was avoiding. The elephant in the room.
A couple of days before while doing some "homework" for my next counseling session, I randomly asked my daughter how she felt grandpa treated grandma. As matter-of-factly as the sun rises, "Mostly mean" was her answer. It prompted me to poll other grandkids, with permission from my siblings, of course.
The consensus? Grandpa is mean. *Grandma does nothing about it*
The worst part? They all think of it as "normal" and we as their parents let it happen.
After coming down off the mountain, I took my mom on a drive and we stopped at a park to talk. I let her know about the counseling and my "poll" findings. I felt that if I have any chance of gaining respect for myself and passing that along to my children, we needed to be away from her and my dad. No more sleepovers, no more going to church, no more dinners and get-togethers. My mom could tell that something like this was coming and promised she would do something to change. But the reality of my choice didn't sink in until I showed up last night to remove all of my children's items from her home.
My mom has been my rock. She has always stood by and supported me. She has always been more than willing to take my kids when I need a break. Our family gets together often and we, just like my mom, ignore my dad for the sake of the grandkids. But at what cost to them? I would give my life to ensure my children don't have to go through what I've been through.
Is it being dumped? Is it this blog? Is it turning 40? Because holy crap!! You walk through life, just going with the flow and then everything changes! Everything! And here I thought I just wanted to lose weight!!
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