Monday, April 29, 2013

Day 362 - I'm joining DietBet!!

Now that I have "me" figured out, it's time to get back on track with this weight-loss, healthy thing, right?!!

I came across The Biggest Loser's sisters Olivia and Hannah's MyFitspiration TWO! I saw the first one when it came out, but wasn't in a good place and didn't sign up.

This time, WATCH OUT!! I'm going to blow 4% out of the water!!!


If this isn't motivation... NOTHING IS!!!!

READY

SET 

GO!!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Day 350 - (How long it took to figure this out!)


I felt so bummed out recently about having stopped the weight loss part of my journey. Probably while I was munching on Easter candy... But reading back to my early entries, it's just so shallow and meaningless. I was in a dwindling relationship and thought that losing the weight would rekindle things. Cringe. 

What I really know now is how toxic it was!! And how brain-washed it made me! There is nothing I've experienced in my life that I can compare to betrayal. It was devastating. It was miserable... It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I stood on a cliff on a peaceful Sunday afternoon, wondering what to do with my life. I heard, "Take your kids to church." And I did. I immediately felt as if my Father in Heaven and the congregation were waiting for me. Who knew?!... It was the best thing that could have happened to me. 

I spent years sugar-coating the ongoing dysfunction of my family. So I quit. I found that I had a whole neighborhood of "family" around me... It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

For years, I savored my "Mommy Time Out" with a glass, or two, or three of wine... sometimes more. And with or without the kids at home. Neither healthy nor responsible. So I quit... It was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I had help.

Thank you Cara, for your time, encouragement, well-timed reminders and your Sparkle! I'm looking forward to number two!! :)

Bishop. Thank you for genuinely caring about the well-being of me and my children. 

Thank you is not the right word for you, Kerry. Not even close. I could not have done this without you. You are the cheese to my macaroni. I lub ewe.

It is physically impossible to lose 100 pounds in the next 15 days, but that doesn't matter. Because it only took me 350 to finally figure this thing out!

I WILL reach my goal weight by December 7, 2013.... Not to FIND the New Me... AS the New Me. 




Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Day 279 - Okay! I have new goals!

Okay, here are my new goals I've been jotting down today...

Exercise. No brainer.

Lose 8 pounds by March 1st. I think that's realistic. (Especially when goal #1 goes into effect).

Hair & Make-Up Daily. I was doing this before, but having a cold makes it the furthest thing on the priority list and I got out of the habit!

Limit TV. The whole sick thing again, I got lazy.

No Wine Sun-Thurs Nights. I enjoy/savor it more on a Friday/Saturday night if I've gone without it all week.

Stop Cursing. Mama's got a potty mouth lately, what's up with that?!?

Come up with a Daily Positive Affirmation. I have two kids currently doing this... and it's WORKING. Duh.

Looking over this list, I know some of them need to be refined. (TV) And I will add "Go to the gym" to the exercise one, because I know it's not going to happen at home. That is where the laziness festers. I will also get a curse jar that I have to put money in, the kids will LOVE that!!

Any comments or suggestions to refine or make these goals more specific are more than welcome! :)

Day 279 - I Need Some New Goals

I'm just coasting through life again!! :( Going straight from a business trip to being sick... and crappy weather doesn't help at all. Excuses, excuses I know! It's just so hard to get your ass moving! (But you know that's the only thing that will help)!

So I am going to come up with some new goals today. I will post them later and STICK TO THEM!! I've got to get out of these winter blues! BADLY!!


Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Day 245 - I Remembered My Blog Password

Okay... it's really not my blog password I lost. It was my motivation!! Life throws curve balls out and by the time you decide how you're going to swing at it, you look up and realize that the stadium lights are all off and everyone has gone home. So I'm sorry if I've left you waiting around.

My son has been struggling a lot lately and I took my focus off myself. He was having anxiety attacks and many MANY many times, it was getting the best of him and affecting his school life, home life, friendships, family, everything!! I was having to leave work early to go help him out. One day I asked the principal if they were hiring, I was at the school so often!! So I took some time off! From focusing on myself, from work, from ... everything!!

It took a lot of convincing, but he finally agreed to see a counselor. When he was in his worst moments, he was angry at me and blaming me for all of the changes we faced in 2012. Moving, switching schools, new friends, new church, less extended family time. It was too overwhelming for him and he needed someone to talk to instead of blame. We were able to talk rationally about it when he was feeling good and we were able to come up with ideas & solutions... but it would all disappear upon his feeling panic coming on. What's worse, is he would start talking extremely negatively, that he hated himself and he just wanted it all to end.

Over and over I would encourage him to change his thoughts. I would ask him to just start saying he was okay, instead of focusing on how miserable he felt. After about a dozen times saying, "I can't!" he would finally scream, "I AM HAPPY!! Okay? Are you happy now?" Baby steps. Deep breath. Baby steps.

For the past month & a half, I have been working with the amazing Champagne Diet's Cara, who has been encouraging me to make small little changes in my life that add up to a well and healthy lifestyle. It's not only about what I eat & how much I exercise, it's about taking control of your thoughts and energy you're putting out to the world. It's about caring what I look like when I leave the house; it's about slowing down and getting extra hugs in; it's about turning off technology on a regular basis. I wanted to become an "in-action" example to my children instead of just always telling them what to do or how to be.

But my son's actions were calling for an intervention and I'm still myself, a work in-progress. One particularly rough morning, I told him to think of it this way, "All of these events that have happened this past year, causing all these changes to your life, happens to EVERYONE! You can take the exact same event, happening to ten different people, and you will get ten different outcomes. Why? Because of ten different THOUGHTS! It's your thoughts that are causing your pain, not moving, not switching schools, not being able to see your old friends every day! Find ONE POSITIVE thing about each of these things causing you pain and build on THAT, not the EVENT itself. That can never be changed."

I left him to soak it all in and headed to work. I'm listening to a morning radio show and the guest they have on says, "We teach what we need to learn."

*A-HA MOMENT*

I think I even heard the *click* in my brain.

The past does not exist and neither does the future. I have right now. I'm back.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Day 200 - THAT!!

I've been working on my new goals... 1) Overhaul my bedroom; 2) Do my hair & make-up daily; 3) Have lunch with my mom & kids; 4) Watch my tone with my kids.

I'm doing my hair & make-up...
Kid #1: "You have make-up on." Yes. Yes I do.
Kid #2: "Where are you going?" Nowhere. "Then why are you putting make-up on?" Because I just want to.
Kid #3: "Wow mommy! You look pretty!"
*There's the proof that this goal was a necessity*

Lunch with mom went a little differently than I hoped, but it was okay. I emailed her at work earlier this week, inviting her to go with me & the kids on Saturday. Her reply? "What bomb are you dropping on me now?" That hurt. But instead of replying with reaction to that, I just brushed it off. We went to a place we've never been to before so it wouldn't feel like the same old routine we usually get stuck in. Like a new start. Things went well until I told her we weren't coming over for Thanksgiving... maybe I did end up dropping a bomb? :(  *Heavy Sigh*

Boy was my bedroom dusty!! I wish I could get rid of the carpet!! I uncovered my bed and treadmill and have been sorting the items in the unpacked boxes. That is where I found a letter from February 1992 sent to me by my BFF. Not only has my soul sister been there for me through everything, and then some, and back again... it wasn't until I read this long lost letter did I realize how long she's been trying to get this message to penetrate my thick skull!!!

At the time she was doing her own life re-evaluation and was filling me in on her journey. At the end of the letter, she wrote:

... "Chris, there's so much to growing up that I never knew about. Happiness isn't in friends or lovers or even God. God put happiness in us. That's why we're human beings not human doings! Happiness and that peace that we've been searching for, it wasn't in drinking or using, it's not in our friends, because no friend can promise they'll be here forever. Fate could kill them tomorrow. It's in your very being deep in the pit of your gut, your soul. That part of you that never changes no matter where you live, how old you are, who you hang with, that part of you that's you and in yourself you find peace."